The fire that is my life and random thoughts via the jacked up internet...

To live is so startling that it leaves little time for anything else.
-Emily Dickinson

This post is going to be uncharacteristically scattered. Just thought I'd give you a heads up.

• Emotional boxing match: I feel like this past week has been an emotional nightmare to beat all others. So much has been going on (schedule changes, student visits, field trips), I've seen so many things (more prayer flags, idols, and chains than I would ever want to count), been overwhelmed by so many things (travel plans, school work, even daily tasks), been frustrated by so many things (jacked up internet the number one cause)... the good news is I've come out of the ring with my arms up and only a few minor scratches. Victory for His children is not a wish, it's a promise.
  
• A mistaken goat and a fun bus driver: So I went with the crew to a little place about three hours east of Lhasa by bus. I never fail to be entertained by the wildlife, especially with the chance yak sighting. So we were driving along and on the side of the road I see what in all aspects appears to be none other than a mini yak. I didn't want my companions to miss this opportunity to view such a rare phenomenon and so I proudly pointed it out to them as we drove past. Turned out to be a goat. But it seriously looked like a yak, only mini. The bus driver (whose only English consisted of the word "sorry") was told my mistake and thought it was so hilarious that his English vocabulary tripled when he learned how to say "mini yak"... which of course became the name of anything with four legs in the street.
• For the love of students: I went out to tea with three girls from one of my classes. As always in the course of our conversation the question came up "Ms. Kelly, do you have boyfriend?" After assuring them that I do not, one girl said in disgust "why? Ms. Kelly... if I were a man I would to marry you!" I had to laugh hysterically for about 2.75 minutes.
  
• Picnics tell all: The group of people that we took to Teidrum (a small nunnery with a hot springs) turned out to look something like the United Nations, there were at least 6 nationalities represented by the fifteen or so that went. We had planned on having a picnic lunch... it was amazing to see what people brought. The most interesting turned out to be (not the oreos that a teammate of mine brought) but the plastic bag of semi boiled yak meat that one of our guests gladly shared with anyone who was daring. Wash that down with some weak butter tea... shimbodu (delicious in Tibetan).
  
• Hot Spring rules: My friend, quite helpfully, translated the rules for the hot springs: 1. Do not catch snakes or other wildlife in the hot springs. 2. Do not wash dishes or clothes in the hot springs. 3. Do not pee or poop in the hot springs. Apparently they were having some problems with these things... yikes.
  
• A little dusty: as we were driving through one of the many villages I happened to see one of the most mind blowing things. Picture a man standing by the side of the road holding his pants with one hand and beating the mess out of them with this huge stick with the other, don't neglect the fact that as he's beating his pants (which are still on his body) huge billows of dust are rolling off. Seriously, I understand maybe not wanting to wash your clothes (I mean the washers are all in Chinese after all and who can understand that?) but you'd think that taking your clothes off would be a prerequisite for beating the dust out of them.
  
• Finally, I just want to show you a video that just unnerves me:
  

Is that the flapping of flags that I hear or the rattling of chains?

Happy Every Day in Lhasa!

When words can't speak...

Your average resident of Lhasa speaks at least two languages fluently and probably has a good handle on a third or some variety of dialect of the previous two.

I speak only one.

And I have found that despite the fact that I have been speaking this language for 23 years, and am currently teaching this language to many students, I cannot find words to describe life here. There aren't any. Perhaps English wasn't built for it.

Life here is beautiful.
I know that I'm living in what could be the most strikingly beautiful place on earth. An absurdly unique city of very ancient and very modern co-existing in a tense balance surrounded by the most majestic snow dusted mountains one could ever dream of. Every single moment the very rocks cry out the wonder of the Creator.

Life here is tragic.
How many dusty, matted haired, children does one have to see sleeping on the streets to be heart broken? How many crippled, glassy-eyed old men and women does one have to pass to feel acutely the ache of humanity? How many times must one be a witness to students and friends bowing before a painted statue before the weight of their chains becomes too much to bear?

Life here is exciting.
Every time:

• A steaming cup of butter tea is placed before me
• I venture into a shop to attempt to find something familiar
• I find myself stuck on a bike in an intersection between a bus and a pedicab
• I am greeted by a total strangers heavily accented "hello"
• I stop to watch the parade of nomad pilgrims doing laps around the Potala
  

I am reminded of what a strange and exciting life this is. One never never knows what each new day will bring, what opportunities, what conversations, what surprises, what food... all one can do is trust.

Life here is breath-taking.
Whether you are catching your breath because you just walked up three flights of stairs or because you saw the sunrise one more morning over the mountains makes no difference. In this place one is just as likely to lose ones breath from the altitude as from the sheer realization of the raw perplexity of it all. This city is ridiculous. This city is real.

So I am astounded. And after living here for six weeks I have come to the conclusion that words, my words, just cannot speak.

Snapshots of life...

Alarming goodness, outshine the darkness around us

This place is dark. It is such a darkness that can make one feel weak, fearful, forgotten, lost, alone, unappreciated, unwanted, misunderstood, worthless, joyless, helpless, and hopeless. It can make one feel these things almost without notice. It is a darkness that sneaks and creeps, prowls like a lion waiting to devour someone.

Of course, none of those adjectives hold truth for us. I know this.
But these past few days I didn't feel it.

So today I am reminded of a very mighty and alarming promise:

He did not even spare His own Son, but offered Him up for us all; how will He not also with Him grant us everything?

And isn't that just what He's done?

In the light of His goodness we are strong, brave, remembered, found, with family, highly valued, much sought after, intimately understood, redeemed, joyful, powerful and of great hope.

And the darkness can go slinking away like the defeated, cowardly animal that it is...

A lover scorned...

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all....

This morning I was walking across campus when a small group of giggling girls, none of whom I recognized, handed me this note on behalf of their classmate.

Hi Dear!

First I would like to wish you happy every day in Lhasa.

I don't know what you called but when I first saw you you took my heart away Since that day i am always thinking about you. every morning when you corss the my calss building i want to tell you Hello... but i can't Because i am afraid you.

Now i want to tell you my inner world "i love you" can you excepe me. if you can tell me. I hope that you give me one chance to love you.

From 06 art major.

I'm afraid I can't give this random student one chance to love me, despite the fact that his eloquent letter provided me endless amusement all day.

Ahh... a love lost... and hilarity ensues... :)

Face panties... they're all the rage...

My students decided that I was too cold and in a sincere effort to both keep me warm and help me blend in better around here they went out and bought me some designer face panties (definitely not their official name).

I think these were probably intended for a honeymoon of some sort.

I know you can't tell, but I am smiling.