That last post is not the final word, nor the whole picture...

That last post contained a lot of garbage and I cannot leave it as it stands. Reality, but filthy nonetheless. It's not the complete picture.

The truth is I can see grace and redemption in the midst of all those shards of life, I'm just having a hard time keeping my eyes on it. I really do need a break.

But allow me to share what He has allowed me to see:
-An administrator who opens his home and family to us after a whole year of distant awkwardness. Over bowls of homemade noodles and jokes about wearing slippers to the classroom the bolted doors come flying open.

-A chance to have a revealing conversation with some colleagues about the feelings of hopelessness and lack of purpose that overwhelm their lives. Sometimes just listening speaks more than anything audible ever could.

-A classroom full of students who couldn't have seemed less interested in me last semester suddenly requesting that I carve out time to teach them to cook pizza, go for walks, visit their homes, eat meals of dumplings and fish with. I haven't changed but their hearts obviously have.

-Sitting in an obscure tea house which has a high probability of never before serving a foreigner with a local friend who claims that it's her favorite. Sipping tea in the dank cool of an old Tibetan house as all manner of humanity shuffles through the doors to eat noodles is the best way to learn about someones life.

-Feeling the squeeze of my dear nun friend's hand who literally has to beg past official barriers to come visit me as she tells me that I am her best friend. May she find security in the only One who is able to offer it.

-The near instantaneous friendship of myself and the receptionist at the airline ticket office who within an hour of our meeting had invited me to a picnic with her friends. In those moments I marvel at the speed with which He occasionally chooses to work.

So exhausted, defeated, pitifully inadequate I indeed am... but hopeless I am not.