Welcome to Spa America

Weary? Tired of listening to the World Cup in Chinese? Arms sore from lifting boxes? Clothes filthy? Look like a caveman?

You've come to the right place friends.

Welcome to Spa America where all your dreams can come true. We have friendly customs officials who can clear you from Vancouver, and imported Iranian hair dressers to give you an immediate hair cut better than you've ever had before. We have nature shows on blue ray and lightning fast internet that will make you dizzy from the speed, and if those entertainment outlets aren't enough, Toy Story 3 is out in theaters now for you to enjoy in 3D.

If you're hungry you can take a pick from the widest range of dining options on earth right in one room if you choose. Now, at Wheaton College cafeteria they are serving three meals a day with more clean fruit and vegetables as well as a wider selection of meat and dairy than you've seen all year guaranteed. Organic corn chips and black lentil salsa anyone? Bagels? Let's see how many types of meat you can eat in a day...

After so much eating and entertainment you might want to bathe. Hot water instantly and at a temperature and pressure so consistent you may begin to lose all sense of time. Our range of bath products will also have you shocked. That oily skin is no match for our shelves of face scrubs and your split ends will flee in terror before the might of our conditioners. Did we mention that you could drink the water? Go ahead and have a sip, it's all clean. And no need to throw that used toilet paper in the filthy bucket next to you, just flush it down our state of the art seated toilet.

Other accommodations include temperature controls for every room, with a flick of the switch you can be as hot or cold as you like, machines that will wash your clothes better than any set of hands in China and dry them to boot, and streets that are safe to cross with no garbage anywhere in sight. Don't believe it? We challenge you to take you shoes off and stretch your toes in the lush green grass as proof.

Because here at Spa America we pride ourselves on the odds that you'll never be uncomfortable again.

Can I make a reservation for 2 months please?