Instructions on buying ground beef

First of all: forget the thought of ground beef... think ground yak.

Second: Mention to your local friend that you need some ground meat, have a brief discussion on buying meat already ground versus buying meat and then having it ground. Choice B is better because then at least you know what is mashed up in there.

Third: Wander over to the section of the street that smells like congealed blood and is festively adorned with strips of animals parts hanging everywhere.

Fourth: Find the dirtiest looking man you can see. Duck under the frozen yak carcasses and engage in what appears to be a heated discussion on price per pound. After that decision has been reached, proceed to step five.

My favorite: Step Five: choosing the meat. Should it be fatty? Should it be lean? Should it be more frozen or less? Should it be gristly? What part of the animal do you want? For heaven's sake touch it and don't forget to smell it just to make sure. Note: master control of your gag reflex before attempting step five.

Sixth: Walk your plastic bag of semi frozen meat down the street two blocks to the lady who owns the grinder machines. Stand back and watch in amazement as she grinds two pounds of some part of yak in seconds.

Seventh: Find some additional plastic bags to double layer the one holding the freshly ground meat... wouldn't want that thing to break open on your twenty minute bike ride back home.

And there you have it, how to buy ground beef. So I'm thinking of a taco night in the near future.