Never again Thailand.

Dear Thailand,

We need to talk. But since you're a country and I'm only a wayfaring stranger a letter will have to suffice.

I have been with you nearly six weeks now. Thank you for hosting me such a long time, I will happily disregard the way you sent me with an incompetent driver into neighboring Malaysia for nine minutes just to renew my visa. I am grateful for your abundance of tropical fruit trees decorating every street corner and daily bath of sunshine. Thank you for your vast array of decent western food and for providing an opportunity for me to spend time with other American friends. I really enjoyed your rare citizen who, bright as a jewel, included me among their friends. Oh Thailand, I have drank deeply of your coconut milk, I have timidly pet your tigers, fed sugar cane to your elephants, swam in your turquoise waters, dined on your various curries, learned your children's songs, made much of your impeccable laundry service, and for all these things, thank you.

But Thailand, who are you trying to fool?

I have also sweat to the point of dehydration and you made me pay for every drop. I have spent sleepless, horrific nights of swarming cockroaches and pulverized knees on your trains and buses, I have dodged human refuse in your streets, have watched your citizens moved like cattle in the back of dump trucks, have witnessed your men become ladies, have seen the blackened, pussy feet of your street vendors... for these things my heart breaks for you.

But that brokenness is only matched by my fury towards you. I have been ripped off, taken advantage of, mocked, and disregarded by you. Thailand, the way that you treat my language, learning only just enough to make me insane and using even that much poorly, should be illegal. I would rather you force me to learn yours. The way you put your swollen, rashy hand over tourist eyes is enough to make me sick. You have sold yourself Thailand. You have capitalized on your beaches at the expense of your people who play barefoot and mostly naked in the dilapidated streets or sit sweating and glassy eyed in the sweltering shade of the three walled homes you provide. You have taught your people how to cheat, confuse, and steal yogurt out of fridges in places we have paid to stay in.

And do you think, Thailand, that I am fooled by the glitter and flash of your golden buddhas and colored spirit houses? Do you expect me to find them exotic? No Thailand, you and I both know that they are just another way that you seek to ensnare your residents and when that doesn't work you leave your women to melt under the head scarves of Islam as their men sell roasted corn on the cob to topless foreigners on your beach!

Enough Thailand! You can't tempt me with your perfect postcards of palm trees as you attempt to ignore the spittle running down the toothless angry van driver's chin. Do you think you are being generous by showing bootlegged English versions of movies in your theaters? Do not think that I will give money to your ancient monk in mustard yellow robes sitting still as a stone in your food courts. I won't. Do not imagine that I am deceived by the bright orange clothing of your novice monks walking the streets and waiting for ATM's. I'm not. And if you thought that a little extra sweetened condensed milk in my tea, or a few nights in a hotel nice enough to make me forget that I'm still with you, or a moment taking a picture with a monkey, or a ride on your incredible ThaiAir is enough to make me forget the way that you stuff clueless tourists into hot vans, the way you overcharge me three hundred percent because you see my white face, the way you think I won't care about or notice your legions of beggars and prostitutes... well Thailand, you are wrong.

You are Asia at its worst because of all your tourist friendly lies. Last year I regretted that I had not given you a chance... but this time I worked hard to love you...

So Thailand, this letter is to inform you that we are, quite irrevocably and finally, through.

No need to write back, though the bulkhead seat on my flight out was a nice touch.

-Kelly